#3804H-001 Bunk 14
Kenosha County Jail
April 1, 2004:Dear Family:
April Fools! Just to think that the joke was on me. April 1, 1985 a stupid farm boy asked a city girl if she would marry him. Within six months they were married. He must have had some barn fumes still trapped between his ears, for 19 years later the fumes have cleared but he is sitting in jail. He must have had more then fumes lodged in his cranium when he allowed her to sit home all those years and not earn a penny. But at lest she demanded 50/50 which she thought was fair. She got the gold mine...etc.You have to be smart in here to make it. If you are ignorant you are vulnerable like I was and still am. I am starting to lose track of time and when things happen. I think it was two days ago when I failed or violated. I was walking with my "classroom," cell mates, pen, or whatever you want to call it; dow the hall, single file, on the right side, to the lunchroom. I had my arms folded across my chest and one officer pulled me out of line. He told me that was a violation. I didn't know that. Then he patted and searched me. I had my tube of toothpaste and brush and a pen in my pocket. He took that from me and said I can't get them back. I had committed a violation and didn't even know it. I told him that but he said I was shown the admittance video.... right? I remember seeing and hearing that video but I don't remember that rule. I asked other inmates about it and none of them remember that rule. I used my eyes and ears but in that case I should have sniffed the breeze to get that information. Oh Rats! I keep forgetting that they read these letters before they mail them out. I don't want to be a rebel and disrespectful but I didn't know that I was violating and feel I got robbed wrongfully. If they would have taken my comb... bit deal, but I still have teeth and I still wanted to write. To replenish them cost money. I think I had to have my order for things I think by Monday or Tuesday night and get the stuff Wednesday. I just asked the Guard what day it was and he told me Wednesday, March 31st (not April 1st) He should know - he's got a life while I must still have barn fumes. But good news they might clear tomorrow like I stated above. Well back to the stuff that I ordered. I'm glad another 5" rope pen, 3 envelopes (no stamps) for $1.15. I only went in the red a $1.15 this week. That is exciting. If I would have been out fighting for my living and paid the 90% child support ordered by Judge Mary K. Wagner I would be much deeper in the red then that. Now on the other hand think of all the money someone could make if they could have a concession stand selling things for that price. So family, I will write small and budget the best I can. Fred told me Lori wanted to send me some money to my account, so I can get supplies. My advice..DO NOT SEND MUCH...OK? If you sent a bunch it would disappear quickly. I become more vulnerable if I have something to lose. In some ways I am glad to be broke and FREE. Losing my toothpaste and toothbrush I become a little bit more free from responsibilities.. see? I'm grateful and not angry. I understand there is a Reverend and I think a Catholic Nun where I could get the writing necessities (including stamps) given to me if I am broke. So why do you have to carry me? It would be cheaper to donate a money gift to the clergy after I get out.
But there is humor too. We were ready and lined up to go to the lunchroom for supper. One of the young inmate comedians was acting goofy, walking stupid like he was a graduate at the School of Funny Walks. The guard seen him and demanded (because everyone was supposed to be already silent and still) him to walk that way all the way to the lunchroom. It was funny. That guard had a sense of humor. He lightened the boredom and appreciate him for that. All the guards are nice, even the one that pulled me out. He might of thought that I was trying to hold something under my clothing from falling out. I have to realize I am in jail and people would do whatever he thought I was doing if I was a criminal. He didn't know me.
Reality is starting to sink in. If the website isn't fired up, then only people that get my paper personally would ever know what's going on. If nobody gets the letter (my paper) then I probably won't see you until the end of September. I am starting to see the website needs to be running so it is available to millions and brought to the attention easily to the officials that might be of help as they come to mind. Has the Better Business Bureau been contacted by letter? Fred would be able to do searching for me easier if he had the website to alert organizations efficiently. He might know a few more avenues to take and willing to do it for me. Family: I never felt so vulnerable at doing something and a 100% dependence on you and others to do it for me. Thank you for your efforts . I still haven't heard if anyone still exists or is alive up there. No News. I sent two letters to Gary, one to Doris, I'll send this one to Lori. I'm doing that to notify the family to circulate the letters. I don't want anyone left out. Fred might be able to transfer information quicker to me then by mail. Maybe? I don't have the addresses, especially Dad's or Helga's since I can't put Little Sand Rd. How/where is Randy/David? Please don't throw my letters, I need them when I ge out. I didn't get a stamp yet... maybe tomorrow.
Now it is April 1, 2004 and I am fooling feelish in many ways. Today at least I know what day it is. My biggest accomplishment for the day. Today I spotted a strange magazine in this place, it was called the "Money" magazine? I wish I knew what they are talking about! Why do they need to print that word so big on the front cover if I don't even know what it means?
Oh, I also thought about something I never mentioned yet. I am not a skunk! Not a Black and White Striped Creature, but a bright orange hunter - even my underwear! Who would be easier to spot the Charlie Chaplan Black & White escapee or an orange hunter with orange plastic sandals running through the woods this time of year? The hunter doesn't carry a gun but might have a comb, toothbrush & paste in his hand, legs just a moving with a German Shepard ready to nip his butt. On his hunting uniform is stamped KCDC. If you seen that would it be unusual?
I am continuing to contemplate on this modesty irony. Like I said before there is always at least one guard in the room at all times - sometimes up to three. My guess at watching and observing, I think it is about 20-30% of time that it is women in the room. I got up this morning at 5:30 to discreetly take a dump before everyone gets up. I started walking towards the bathroom and realized there are two men & one woman guard whispering at the desk. My bowel movement instantly left me and I turned around and went back to bed. Ten minutes later it was just one man and the urge came back. In here right now two women are in the room and I hear toilets flushing. The no-wall open office faces the bathrooms which have no wall. The toilets have a wall up to your belly button if you sit down. In that position you can turn your head and watch them, watching you. Two of the three showers are tucked behind a four foot wall. The third is right in the open to undress, then to step behind the curtain. First they train or break a person to no shame so that a person can treat their body no more immodest then a naked dog or naked cat. But then once you acquire that "non-shame" and you get caught for taking an outdoor public piss you get arrested and thrown in jail for indecent exposure! How can that be? What part is indecent? or exposed? What will be next? Co-dorms? Now if you could see as well as be seen by the opposite sex, how full would the jails get? I just can't believe the irony of this place. At least the downtown jail had a bathroom with a door on it where the women guards didn't go. Even the male guards & inmates would respect the toilet paper hanging from the door hinge as a sign of privacy. But that is the only thing I like better downtown the here.
Today it is my responsibility to sweep the day room or move tables & chairs in it. For sweeping I still remembered that the fuzzy side goes down on the floor and then you push! Exciting!
I sure wish I could draw some pictures of a jail bird or a man running with legs in opposite direction with a canine ready to have lunch, or a person sitting on the toilet all embarrassed with a woman guard trying to calm him by saying "It is no big thing" but I can't draw pictures. It is not allowed if I want to mail it. Drawing can't be sent or received. The pizza stealer has left this morning and hasn't returned from court. He might be on the loose again. Lock you doors! I came back and the pizza thief is back until the 16th. I was given permission to go with 16 of us to go outside. I agreed and walked down this hall to an enclosed room with the roof missing. About 30 concrete blocks high are steel I beams supporting mesh wire. Concrete all around, mesh wire on top..."that is outdoors!" I just walked in circles or rectangles, 12 steps by 20 steps. I came back to "dorm/classroom" and everybody was ordered to their beds. 3:00p.m. I watched as the guard counted everyone and then called the numbers in. I watched the inmates, some laid down to sleep, the rest all just fidgeted with this or that or started reading something. I wasn't tired so I thought of this letter locked inside my box at the head of my bed facing the center isle. I got off of my bed, stepped in front of it, unlocked the lock to the box to take my letter. An inmate said "you just got caught!" I looked toward the guards and both were looking at me in disbelief. A few minutes later I was called to the desk. I didn't know that was a violation and could have me three days in the "hole." I didn't now and am thankful to the guard for mercy and tolerance until I learn all these rules. It is almost supper time now.
It is morning April 2. Yesterday evening was uneventful besides being spotted standing besides the toilet looking over my shoulder back at the eyes (contact) of a heavier black woman guard. Two seconds is sure a long time! before she looked away! Last night I had to help clean to finish off my day of duties.
And on more thing that happened is part of another irony. Out in the day to day world you have to go a long time before you spot anyone praying for their food. Go to any Kenosha restaurant on Sunday noon when the churches let out and watch the people coming in. Maybe I am wrong but I seldom see anyone pray. I am not saying they should or shouldn't. I am just stating my observation. Why does human nature have to come to wits end to suddenly become spiritually awakened to thing of God? Is it of God? Show offs? Some pray and a few minutes later "F" someone out. Strange!
Reverend Hansen just left. He gave me three stamped envelopes and a book so I will send this letter now.
Love you all,
Bernie
